


Domesticating Johnny, Indeed

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Series: Tango Series [7]
Category: 30 Rock
Genre: Banter, Crack, F/M, Internal Monologue, Love, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 12:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5497742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack gets tired of hearing how he’s going to be doing the leaving and objects. Quite a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Domesticating Johnny, Indeed

A playboy reputation was ever a double-edged sword. Jack knew that as well as he knew that Kenneth would someday be a powerful and ruthless NBC executive. However, Jack had supposed his reputation was mainly a danger in terms of the older, more conservative executives seething in jealousy over his having no obligatory family life. He hardly could have imagined his past being the genesis of a phrase Jack has heard from more than one NBC employee a day: “you know he’s going to leave you, right?”

Jack Donaghy was too old to search for trophy wives among women who had not reached twenty-five, particularly from this generation of socialites and celebriteens. Granted, it would be an optimum situation if Elizabeth were about six to eight years younger, but once Anna told him that Elizabeth would do suitably, he’d thought the fix was in. If Anna approved, and his mother approved, that certainly should be enough for the right people in New York.

Which, to be fair, it was. Jack had gotten no flack from the network, except a jibe that he still couldn’t manage TGS and its shenanigans. Jack had pointed out the incredible profitability spike that had post-dated his affair with Liz, and suggested that if the cost of a critical darling that was also a ratings darling reaching spin-off media saturation levels was the occasional Tracy Jordan meltdown, it was certainly better than said executive had done with Heroes.

And, he’d said, feeling positively Lemon-esque in the stinger, he had supplied no one with coke nor whores in the process.

But to the subject at hand, it was the non-elite who doubted Jack’s sincerity. Kenneth had been the most flagrant in his feeling that Jack had been leading “Miss Lemon” down a morally dubious path, but he had been only one of many whispered comments dogging Jack’s steps at Rockefeller Center. He wondered if Kenneth had any idea of the morally dubious things Miss Lemon enjoyed doing in her off hours. Certainly, Elizabeth was not a swing-from-the-rafters type, but there was a certain wildness that kept their relationship full of brisk frisson.

Jack also suspected that if anyone did the leaving, it would be Liz, who was predictable in her pattern on the topic. Shame, confrontation, surrender, ecstasy, guilt, followed by a repeat of the cycle. Sooner or later, confrontation would lead to fallout, which would lead to milquetoast accountants hanging about to pick up the pieces, which would make Jack almost as unhappy as Bianca sending a picture of her and Vincent strolling on the Vineyard on the anniversary of their divorce.

Moreover, Bianca had gone to great lengths to be ostentatiously classy about the Elizabeth situation, sending flowers to Liz upon seeing the pictures in the Post with an utterly charming note congratulating her on “domesticating Johnny.” It had sent Liz into a panic, of course; truly, Bianca was diabolical in knowing just how to ruin Jack’s day.

Domesticating Johnny, forsooth. Elizabeth Lemon was about as domestic as a stray cat who skittishly backed away from any petting, despite eyeing the bowl of proffered food and its owner with visible lust.

“You’re being weirdly quiet,” said the object of Jack’s pondering, who had been ignoring him in favor of gourmet potato chips and his top-of-the-line GE HD television.

“I’m wondering who Jenna will accuse me of leaving you for next week,” Jack said.

“I vote for Teri Hatcher,” Liz facetiously chirped, brushing crumbs off her shirt. “Or maybe you can leave me for Jenna. That would certainly make Jenna happy.”

“And you?” Jack inquired. “Seeing how it fits your paranoid ideals of who should hook up with whom.”

“Come on, Jack, do you really think I’m excited with all the people who tell me you’re going to leave me for anyone from Jenna to Britney Spears?” Elizabeth asked, the little furrow appearing between her brows. “Besides, Pete’s wife thinks we should get married. Bianca thought we should get married before we ever had sex. Which I think is equally freaksome.”

Jack snorted. “Yes, discovering whirlwind romance and unlikely compatibility is clearly far worse than being left for emotionally empty mannequins,” he replied. “My mistake for forgetting that commitment is death.”

“Okay, Bianca is scary,” Liz objected. “And Pete’s wife has done things with Pop-Tarts in my bed that I don’t want to know about. And I mean, do you want to be my domesticated Johnny?”

So it had been on her mind, too. Of course it had been, though Jack speculated that Elizabeth’s reaction was on a far stranger tack than his.

“I suspect it is neither your desire nor within your ability to ‘domesticate’ me,” Jack said.

“It sounds awful,” Liz said with a little shrug. “No offense. I’m getting used to the part where I like you, but it’s hard enough work to remind you not to call Kenneth a Huckabee-hypnotized Jesus freak. Plus, doesn’t domestication involve cuddling and things that according to you, give me no satisfaction?”

Jack considered this. “The thrill of defeating a man usually outweighs these things, at least in my experience,” he said. “Women enjoy emasculating their partners.”

Liz made her face, the prissy liberal feminist expression that looked pinched but was not allowed to be called pinched or shrill. Because that was also sexist. There had been a four hour argument over the topic that Jack felt no need to relive, so it was simply the liberal feminist face.

“I don’t think that’s what it is,” she said.

“Of course you don’t, or you’d feel guilty about it,” Jack replied. “But consider the particular…what’s the word, ‘meme,’ I believe?…that I’ve faced this month. Jack is going to leave you for…”

“So how does that emasculate you?” Liz asked, propping herself up on her elbows as she turned over to look at him. “The idea that you’re going to trade up from dowdy writer to hot younger woman kind of plays on you being virile.”

“It does. However, it suggests that if I have no interest in leaving you for an interchangeable parade of superattractive objects, I am not a man.”

The pinched expression became an incredulous one. “So you’re saying I want you to say you’re not going to leave me for Paris Hilton because it indicates you’re not manly enough?” Liz asked.

“I’m saying that given that we’re both well aware that the truth of the situation is that you are far more likely to leave me for Tom Brady, yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Jack said, feeling less masculine just for having expressed the sentiment. Especially once Liz’s eyes widened.

“You think I’m going to leave you,” Liz asked. “And that really bugs you, doesn’t it?”

Her face was a picture. Rapid blinking, a flush, an immediate nervous jerking that Jack was certain she was unaware she fell upon when faced with something she could not comprehend.

“Since you want to put it so inanely, yes. It bothers me tremendously that my good faith is continually questioned by you and your friends,” Jack said. “Especially when this is the first time I’ve reciprocated the doubt.”

“Oh, see, that’s not true. You’re always saying I’m not into it enough because of my liberal guilt,” Liz said. “But I…you’re kind of right, Jack. You’re actually totally right, except for the part at the end. I’m sorry, it is mean of the set to keep hassling you when I’m the bigger waffler. I’ll try to get them to cut it out.”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, a woman admitting a man was right and apologizing? A woman who Colleen tentatively approved of, at that? Well, he’d be damned.

But no. No, Lemon could not be let off the hook so easily. He had maneuvered her into admitting that her friends were unduly harsh about his intentions. A Donaghy negotiated to win what he could and give nothing back.

“I’ve been hurt and neglected, Elizabeth,” Jack said.

“Poor baby,” Liz said dryly. Which belied the more intriguing fact that she was tapping her foot against his thigh, a speculative expression on her face.

“Have some respect for the power of reputation,” Jack replied seriously, tapping her big toe. “Think of how ‘freaked,’ as you put it, you get at the idea of being my domesticator. My reputation could be irreparably damaged, slavishly attending a woman who doesn’t take my fidelity seriously.”

Liz tilted her head and tapped her thigh with her fingertips, clearly pondering what to say next. The feral cat analogy held; she was tracking him behind her glasses, waiting for sudden movement. Jack wondered what went on in her head when she wasn’t talking too much; it was a rare enough occurrence.

“My life would be so much easier if you weren’t Jack Donaghy,” she said at last. “Because I know you want something. You are made of charm and ulterior motives. But you say all these things that are really, really hard for me to resist.”

She leaned forward, still very thoughtful and not a bit daffy or unserious. “I also think I wouldn’t like it as much if you were someone else and didn’t have ulterior motives,” she said. “Because I am ‘not normal, Elizabeth.'”

“You are gloriously abnormal,” Jack declared.

“That shouldn’t _sound_ like a lavish compliment, Jack,” Liz replied, scooting forward with remarkable grace. “How do you freaking do that?”

“Because I find your idiosyncrasies appealing,” Jack said, dragging her closer. “Unlike others, who tolerate them on the grounds that you sell yourself short and can be incredibly easy to manipulate into doing the emotional work for them.”

A confused but rather pleased expression darted into Liz’s eyes. “You totally mean that, don’t you?” she said. “You like me.”

“I always have. Except for your liberal naivete and the tedious attempts to be something other than you are for the sake of a reputation that profits you nothing,” Jack amended. “Why would I mentor and then seduce someone I disliked?”

Oh, Elizabeth liked what she heard. Which might be a risk with another woman, but Liz’s disinterest in random power over him ameliorated the situation. Added to her tendency to be fair to the point of shooting herself in the foot, and Jack had her dancing on his hook with every bit of honesty.

“Maybe because you like turning people into little you-clones,” Liz suggested lightly, climbing atop him. “Ever think of that?”

“Ever consider my lingering disdain for people who suck up endlessly, Lemon?” Jack replied.

“I did, as a matter of fact, but I had to come up with something even vaguely plausible to counter you before I went limp and puppylike with adoration,” Liz replied with a dazzling smile. “If you tell anyone you’re domesticating me, though, I’ll kill you and have Grizz and Dot-Com hide the body.”

By Zeus, it was the fight that kept him enchanted. If only Liz were a bit more prone to admit in declarative sentences that she adored him, Jack would admit that her utter unwillingness to submit made him love her.

Which he certainly did, or he wouldn’t keep chasing as assiduously as he had. Jack liked Liz Lemon; he enjoyed her company and her presence in his bed, but it made sense that there was more involved. And certainly, it had been long enough since Jack had been in love that the first stages had quite escaped him.

“Then I suppose my next act should be to keep you adoring enough that homicide is off your mind,” Jack said, lowering his mouth to her throat.

For once, there was no arch comeback, just a physical arching that indicated that yes, he should do what he was doing. Which almost gave Jack pause, as it was out of character. But it was also an excellent sign, so Jack put it out of his mind for later, when it was more appropriate to plot his next moves to fully gain the woman he was in love with.

Though the very thought of the challenge and negotiation it would take to win Elizabeth energized him to begin by outdoing himself right now.

Kenneth, he thought as the clothes began to fly, would definitely be appalled.

Good.


End file.
